Quarantine 2 (2011) : Why I may never fly again.

I bet this week you expected a review on the "Outpost" movies, as that's what I teased you with at the end of my last blog. Well, surprise! That's not what you're getting, and here's why: I just watched "Quarantine 2", and since I recently reviewed the first "Quarantine", I had to post about it instead. Never fear, I'll get to the "Outpost" movies next week, promise!

OK, I've gotta be totally honest here: I had SUPER-LOW expectations for this flick. It has a lot going against it as far as I'm concerned:

1. It doesn't star Jennifer Carpenter (her character dies in the first "Quarantine").
2. It's a sequel (we all know how bad sequels can be!).
3. It takes place on an airplane ("Zombies on a Plane"????? As if snakes on a plane aren't bad enough.....).
4. It doesn't star Jennifer Carpenter (really).

The movie opens with the crew and passengers in the airport doing all of the things you do before boarding. When they get on the airplane, red flags go up in my mind since its a small regional jet. If this movie is going to eat up 86 minutes of my time there's no way its going to spend all of its time on such a small plane!

Since I knew that things are going to go really wrong on the plane, I figured I could ID who the Typhoid Mary was that would cause the problem. Wrong! Almost everyone who boards the plane, crew and passengers, all look sick and have some sort of issue. The source of the outbreak doesn't become apparent until the plane is well under way; I'm not going to spoil it for you here so you'll have to watch.

Thankfully once all hell breaks loose, the movie keeps some semblance of reality; the plane makes a forced landing at a to-be-named-later airport. This is where started liking this movie, because somehow the writers and director found a way to make a totally crazy scenario seem plausible. Once the plane lands and the healthy (and sick) passengers and crew make it into the terminal, they are locked away from the rest of the airport and the CDC shows up on the scene to further screw everything up (hence the "Quarantine" name in the title again.....). Things become a little formulaic from this point on but the action and special effects are great, and I found myself completely hooked.

Another thing I like about this movie is the fact that it happens during the same time-frame as the first movie, and actually ties into the first movie quite nicely. A problem I sometimes have with sequels is when they have no tie-in to their predecessors. It works great if someone is watching that sequel and has never seen the first one, but for devoted fans it seems lacking in some way.


If you remember from my previous review of the first "Quarantine", I questioned whether the infected people really were Zombies. Well, with this flick I'm making the call now: Yep, definitely Zombies. Look dead. Eat you. Do freaky shit like bend over backwards in a manner that a spine shouldn't be able to do. Oh, and they're fast-movers. The worst kind of Zombie IMHO. Once again I'd be screwed if I was somehow dropped into this as a real-life scenario.

I won't give away the ending, but it definitely leaves things open for a sequel, especially given the airport that they land in that becomes apparent in the background of the ending sequence. I hope they do make another because I definitely am hooked and can't wait to see another one!

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one an 8.

Yep, an 8! This is a rare case where I think that the sequel is even better than the first movie.

WATCH IT IF: You liked the first Quarantine, like your Zombies to be fast-movers, or are looking for a reason to never fly again.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You're expecting a movie filled with Samuel L Jackson killing some MFing Zombies on a MFing plane, you didn't like the first Quarantine, or prefer to think that the CDC is a wonderful organization that only looks out for your best interests.

"Quarantine 2" is available for streaming on Amazon Instant Video and can be purchased at several retailers. At this time it is not available for free streaming on Netflix or Crackle.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1699231/


I promise, next we will really talk about "Outpost" and "Outpost: Black Sun".

The Horde (2009) : Vive le zombie!

OK, after the last movie review I owe you, my readers, a review of a GOOD zombie movie. After all, who wants to read a blog about bad movies that you SHOULDN'T WATCH?!?

Enter 2009's "The Horde".

If you've been jones'n for a fast-paced, "Die Hard" -type Zombie flick, look no further. "The Horde" is probably one of the most violent, fast-paced French Zombie movies that I have ever seen. Well to be truthful, it's the only French Zombie movie I've ever seen, but let's not complicate things.......

Here's the description from IMDB:

A posse of crooked cops, malevolent gangsters and a horde of walking dead are the centre point of this gruesome, tight, action packed, claustrophobic tale of retribution and escape. Penned like animals, on the top floor of a deserted high-rise block, these two opposing gangs find that they are not alone in the lair of bloodthirsty corridors of death. Joining forces to survive, they must reach ground level together or perish. Loaded with a bad ass attitude, guns, axes and extremely creative hand-to-hand combat sequences that project the fears and paranoia that are the fighting forces behind the need to survive, when caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Our group is caught in a run-down apartment complex, much like the folks in "Quarantine", except they are stuck in the middle of a full-blown Zombie apocalypse complete with a seemingly endless supply of fast-moving Zombies. Sacre Bleu!

Fast-movers scare the holy hell out of me! I think it's because deep down I know that when if the Zombie Apocalypse comes, and its complete with fast movers..............I am toast. I hate running.

The imagery and cinematography in this movie are awesome. It truly lives up to it's name in terms of sheer number of Zombies. Its also got gore in spades, so if you are squeamish, you might want to skip this one..

There are a few things that I wish they had done better. First was character development. They could have done a better job at giving a little more insight into the cops and baddies. And, it never was revealed what started the Zombie outbreak to begin with. Infected monkeys? Government experiment gone wrong? Evil corporation? The outbreak just suddenly appeared at their doorstep. For those of us who are hoping to avoid a real Zombie Apocalypse this sort of info is helpful....

All of that aside, I did like this film. A lot of attitude with action in spades. A great way to spend 90 minutes with no regrets!

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7.

Non-stop action and fast-movers make for a super entertaining movie! This is a great movie to watch during the current Walking Dead hiatus (one more week!!!!).

WATCH IT IF: You've been jones'n for a good French Zombie flick, aren't interested in character development and just want to see a lot of shootin' and bitin', or want to be able to tell your friends you just watched a foreign film with subtitles to sound smarter.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You hate all things French, don't want to be bothered to read subtitles, or have no interest in being entertained.

"The Horde" is available for streaming on Netflix and Amazon Instand Video.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1183276/


Up next, get ready for a two-for-one Nazi Zombie review: "Outpost" and "Outpost: Black Sun".

Dead & Breakfast (2004) : It's like a bad horror movie.....only worse.

I had never heard of this movie until a few weeks ago when I wanted to watch a zombie flick, but wasn't in the mood to be filled with despair and gloom afterwards.  I did a google search for "best Zombie comedies" and it popped up in several lists.  With the hundreds of Zombie movies that have been made in the last 20 years or so, I was certain that just because I had never watched it, or even heard of it before, didn't mean that it wasn't good.

A quick search on IMDB and a few other sites showed that it received ratings of mediocre to good, which for die-hard Zombie genre fanatics means it could be "OK to Great". So I figured it was probably worth the risk to invest 88 minutes to watch it.

The tag-line for the movie should have given me a clue as to what I was in for: "It's like a bad horror movie.....only worse."

OK, the beginning of the movie showed promise. The opening animation and artwork were pretty awesome. That sort of stuff draws me in probably more than it generally should. Then the next 10 minutes or so the group of 20-somethings in the Winnebago were really annoying. I started to rethink my decision until they met the singing gas station attendant and his band. AWESOME! They were sort of the comic music relief that popped up periodically in the movie, much like the band in "Something About Mary".

Unfortunately, the band was the best part of the movie, and even their periodic appearance couldn't save what was otherwise a HORRIBLE film. The producers/writers were obviously influenced by "The Evil Dead" as this movie tried hard to be like it (in one of the scenes there is even an "Evil Dead 2" poster in the background)..............but in the end it was worse. And that says a lot, since honestly I think "The Evil Dead" and it's remake, "Evil Dead 2" were pretty horrible. Blasphemy, I know. I just didn't like those movies. I'll get to that in another review though, so lets not sidetracked here.

I think on paper this movie probably was better than it was in reality. It probably wouldn't have been bad if executed correctly. Even the inclusion of David Carradine (awww!) and Diedrich Bader ("Louis" from "The Drew Carey Show") couldn't save it. The filming was bad, lighting was worse than a high-school production, special effects and make-up were worse than the first season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", and the acting...........if you can call it that...........was dreadful. After about 40 minutes I started looking at my watch wondering if I should pull the ripcord. Finally at about the hour mark, after the singing gas station attendant was killed off............I hit the stop button on the remote.

The next day at work while talking to a co-worker, I was telling him about the movie and the fact that it was so bad I stopped watching, and he reminded me of my commitment to give an accurate review. How could I give an accurate review if I didn't watch the whole thing? Dammit. Back at home later that evening I finished it....................and believe it or not.............................it didn't get any better. Nope.


My "accurate review" statement above made me ponder upon something; who the hell are those people on IMDB and other sites that gave this movie a good rating? Were they actually watching it? Sober? With at least one eye open? If so there should be some sort of punishment given to them. Seriously. Not only is this probably one of the worst Zombie movies I have ever watched.........its quite possibly one of the top 5 worst movies of all time. True story.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a NEGATIVE 2.

I didn't think I could find a movie that was any worse than "Brain Dead".........and yet somehow I managed to do just that.

WATCH IT IF: Um.............I got nothing. Stay away.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You have any self-esteem what-so-ever.

"Dead & Breakfast" is available for streaming on Amazon Prime, unfortunately.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0350774/

Up next: The French Zombie flick "The Horde".

Quarantine (2008) : The CDC is here to help you. Really.

I've been wanting to see "Quarantine" for awhile now, and I'll admit that's mostly because it stars Jennifer Carpenter. For those of you that are also "Dexter" fans, you'll know that Jennifer Carpenter plays Dexter's (step)sister "Deb". Deb is brash, lovable, and foul-mouthed: in one episode she had a great line where a certain f-word was used as an adjective, noun, verb, and adverb.

In "Qurantine" she plays cute and bubbly television reporter Angela Vidal. Her portrayal of this character in this movie convinced me that she really is a great actress, as it was a total departure from Deb.

Alright, enough about Jennifer Carpenter. Here's the official trailer, followed by a synopsis of the movie from IMDB:

Television reporter Angela Vidal and her cameraman are assigned to spend the night shift with a Los Angeles Fire Station. After a routine 911 call takes them to a small apartment building, they find police officers already on the scene in response to blood curdling screams coming from one of the apartment units. They soon learn that a woman living in the building has been infected by something unknown. After a few of the residents are viciously attacked, they try to escape with the news crew in tow, only to find that the CDC has quarantined the building. Phones, internet, televisions and cell phone access have been cut-off, and officials are not relaying information to those locked inside. When the quarantine is finally lifted, the only evidence of what took place is the news crew's videotape.

So its yet another derrivitive of "missing footage found after all hell breaks loose and everyone dies" ala "Blair Witch Project". Fortunately these TV reporters have good equipment so I didn't get a headache or get dizzy. Yay for steadi-cams!

I'm not certain if this is a "Zombie" movie or not. There's an infection that's transmitted by biting. Let's say it's Rabies (because it is). The people become crazed and start attacking/eating other folks that are trapped in the building. Technically they aren't Zombies since they aren't dead.......although in one scene the police pumped an old lady full of lead and she was still walking around.

Just for fun, I decided to look-up the definition of "zombie" in the American Heritage Dictionary:

zom·bie also zom·bi 

 

NOUN:

pl. zom·bies, also zom·bis

 

1. A snake god of voodoo cults in West Africa, Haiti, and the southern United States.
2. 1. A supernatural power or spell that according to voodoo belief can enter into and reanimate a corpse.
   2. A corpse revived in this way.
3. One who looks or behaves like an automaton.
4. A tall mixed drink made of various rums, liqueur, and fruit juice.

Hmmmm. Not at all what I expected to find. Especially #4. I've gotta try that one.

Crap. I'm going to call it a Zombie movie anyway. After all, "28 Days" is along with a host of other movies that probably shouldn't be, so this one gets a pass in my book.

Back to the movie. I liked it. A lot. There were some really scary bits and at times it was so totally out of control and involving I found myself yelling at the characters. I loved the Big Brother aspect of the CDC keeping them all locked in there.........when one of them tried to escape you just know its going to end badly for them. Oh well, at least he wasn't eaten I guess, so he had that going for him.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7.5.

The thought of being locked in a dark apartment building by the government, with a bunch of sick people that want to eat you is super scary. And this movie does a great job of conveying what that might feel like. I had nightmares for days after watcthing this one.

WATCH IT IF: You're ready to get the crap scared out of you, you aren't a "purist" when it comes to Zombie flicks, or are a fan of Jennifer Carpenter and are interested in seeing her in something different than Dexter.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You are a "purist" when it comes to Zombie flicks, you get nightmares easily, or one of your relatives works for the CDC and you are offended that this movie portrayed as bad guys.

"Quarantine" is available for streaming on Amazon Prime.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1082868/


If you have a strong opinion about what is, or isn't, a Zombie movie, please leave a comment and let me know, thanks! Up next we take a look at "Dead and Breakfast".

The Dead (2010) : Creepy man, just creepy.

Creepy.

That's the best word to use to describe "The Dead".  If you're jonesing to watch a Zombie flick with tons of action, big guns, and explosions, this movie ain't it. But if you're in a "make some popcorn, turn off the lights, and get creeped out" mood, then put this one on your watch list.

"The Dead" is filmed in west African locations such as Burkina Faso and Ghana, as well as the Sahara desert. The setting is unique and, quite frankly, where I have always thought the Zombie outbreak would occur when if it ever happens.

From the very beginning, "The Dead" gives you the heebie-jeebies as it introduces its enemy in the (non-living) person of an African native zombie with a disfigured leg. The plot is fairly simple. An American military engineer washes up on the coast of west Africa after his evacuation flight crashes. As the sole survivor he attempts to reach a northern military air field to re-attempt his escape, and runs into an African military soldier who is trying to find his son during the chaos.

I know this film was made with a very small budget, yet they found a way to keep it looking honest and real; nothing in the film looked cheap. Much like "Exit Humanity", this film proves that "less" truly can be "more".

An interesting thing about this movie that it reflects what I believe true life would be like during an outbreak in Africa; moments of sheer terror punctuating long periods of abolutely nothing happening. There are several parts in the movie where I was like "they're right around the corner" or "watch out, they're right behind that truck" and then BOOM! Nothing. It was refreshing.....in a strange way.

Instead of making the Zombie eyes look like cataracts as most do these days they made them sharp white, penetrating and unblinking like Haitian Zombies....maybe even "reptilian" in a way. I liked the directors use of silent, slow zombies that by default move with silence and stealth but can snap and bite quickly when close enough and aroused to it. Running Zombies that growl and groan non-stop are actually not as scary as slow silent movers.

If you can't tell already, I like this film. Mainly because of it's creepiness, but also because its different than so many other Zombie flicks out there.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7.

The setting of Africa, combined with the total feeling of being alone in a vast wasteland of Zombies totally works and is completely believeable. It's easy to get lost in this movie.

WATCH IT IF: you're looking for something different from the typical Zombie movie, like being depressed and/or creeped out, or you just like deserts and sand with dead people walking about.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you like your Zombie-fighting heroes outfitted with super-high-tech weaponry accompanied by a hip-hop soundtrack, a relative of yours once died from Ibola contracted in Africa and you still have a hang-up about it, or you're more in the mood for something way more happy and feel-goody like "Apocalypse Now".

"The Dead" is available for streaming on NetFlix and Amazon Prime.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1386925/

BONUS BEER RECOMMENDATION: If you're looking for a beer to go perfectly with the feelings of desparation and hunger you get from watching this movie, give this one a try: Tröegs Dead Reckoning Porter. A delicious and unconventional porter, it pours a nice smooth chocolate brown color, with some suspended sediment and a foamy tan head. The nose is surprisingly hoppy for a porter, bitter and resinous, almost like a black IPA more than a porter. There is also a big old roasty malt profile that compliments the hops nicely.

Next Week: We take a look at the movie "Quarantine".

The Day (2011) : "The Walking Hungry"

First before you read this review there is something that must be said: This isn't a Zombie movie (gasp!). Well, sort of. But not really. Confused? Read on.........

The premise: Ten years after society collapsed following an unspecified catastrophe, survivors Rick (Dominic Monaghan), Adam (Shawn Ashmore), Henson (Cory Hardrict), Shannon (Shannyn Sossamon), and Mary (Ashley Bell ----probably the only recognizable actor in the movie) wander aimlessly across the scorched earth, seeking sustenance and shelter from the roving hordes of cannibals who consume the living.

OK, so there are no Zombies but there are people eating people. Flesh-eating without all of the "grrrr-arrrrrgh" and all that.

Directed by Douglas Aarniokoski, “The Day” looks radiant and parched, as if shot through an Instagram filter; it’s blandly striking and pretty all at the same time. It reminded me a lot of "Exit Humanity" in its filming style. This is one of those movies that could probably survive on its cinematography alone if there was no dialogue from the cast.


But..........unfortunately there was dialogue. Bad dialogue. Really bad dialogue. Think "every post-apocalyptic movie cliche you have ever heard" bad.

Color me disappointed. Is there an Instagram filter for that?

OK, I'll admit that I was super-pumped about this movie before I watched it, so maybe I had unfairly built it up too much in my head. Unfortunately I found myself at about the 1/2 hour point fighting the urge to turn it off. The characters were sadly one-dimensional, which caused me to lose interest in whether they lived or died. The only remotely interesting character was Mary, who was the stereotypical "loner kick-ass female with a dark secret past to be revealed later".

There's a small plot-twist or two during the movie, but for the most point it was totally predictable. During this time of "The Walking Dead" mid-season hiatus, I was really hoping this could be a nice filler snack. Don't get me wrong, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen.............I was just let down.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 5.


I wanted to like it more but great cinematography can only make up for so much. If the writers would have made the characters a little multi-dimensional instead of cardboard cut-outs, this would have been a much better movie.

In the interest of full-disclosure and perspective, I did waste an entire hour of my life last nite watching "Zombie Apocalypse" on Discovery HD. "Zombie Apocalypse" was a documentary about a bunch of preppers that are ready for the world to end due to a Zombie uprising. It was a hoaky, horrible waste of an hour of programming. Truly horrible. I would have gladly watched "The Day" again instead of that program..

WATCH IT IF: You have a choice of watching it or "Zombie Apocalypse:, are just jones'n for a post-apocalyptic film and need a fix, or are an Ashley Bell fan.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You have Season 2 of "The Walking Dead" on your Tivo to catch up on, get turned-off by poor character development and poor dialogue, or have some Christmas present wrapping to do. Even then you could watch it with the sound turned down.

"The Day" is available for streaming on Amazon and can be purchased on DVD from many sources.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1756799/

Up next: Due to the impending Christmas Holiday, we may take a break for a week. When we come back we'll take a look at "The Dead". Merry Chistmas and thanks for reading!

Cockneys vs Zombies (2012) : Let the British Zombie Invasion begin

On the heels of "Doghouse", I decided to keep the Anglo-Zombie trend alive by checking out "Cockneys vs Zombies".  I haven't seen a bad Zombie film in awhile, so I was afraid that I was due a flop. Thankfully my streak of good luck continues.............

Much like "Snakes on a Plane" or "Alien vs. Predator", the title tells you more or less what to expect. So don't get your hopes up for something that's going to win an Academy Award, or even a lesser-valued Screen Actors Guild award. But People's Choice award? Maybe...........if there was a category of "Wildly Entertaining".




They could have called this film "Lock, Stock and Two Headless Zombies" because it had a total Guy Ritchie feel to it: the filming style, angles, the non-stop action, and Cockney accents so bad they made me wonder what language they were speaking. It all works, and works well. I shouldn't be surprised that a Brit Zombie film emulated his style as he has spawned many copycats over the years.

The Plot Summary from IMDB:

"This British movie is about a group of inept criminals who decide to rob a bank so they can save their grandfather's retirement home from being demolished by developers. Meanwhile on another building site some workers dig up an old graveyard and they get bitten by the "undead" which sets off a chain reaction. Then the bank robbers are cornered by the police while in the process of the robbery, but when they exit they find that they are all dead as a result of the horde of zombies. They have to get to the retirement home before the zombies do! "

Zombies and septuagenarians and bank robbers?! Please take my money now!

The script was done by James Moran. You might not know that name, but if you are a Sci-Fi fan you definitely know some of his work: Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Primevil. The story is fast-paced and pretty much keeps you on the edge of your seat most of the time. The intertwining of the different plots into one works very well. I especially loved the scenes where the retirees were fighting off or running walking away from the Zombies.


There are a few actors in this movie that you will recognize if you are a fan of British films and programming: Alan Ford ("Snatch"), Honor Blackman (the original "Avengers" series and "Goldfinger"), Michelle Ryan ("Dr Who", "Merlin", "Bionic Woman", and "Jeckyll"), and Georgia King ("The New Normal").

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a solid 7.5

I had a great time watching this movie! Even if I couldn't understand half of what they were saying at times due to the Cockney accents, I still loved it. I can't recall the last time I laughed and cheered so much during a movie.

WATCH IT IF: You liked both "Shaun of the Dead" and "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels", can't wait to see septuagenarians kicking some Zombie butt, or are just looking for a good, entertaining action film.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you have something against thick British accents, don't like the elderly, or don't like being entertained: in otherwords, if you are a prude.

Althought it was released in August in the UK, "Cockneys vs Zombies" is not yet available for viewing in the USA. It is slated for US DVD and download release sometime in early 2013. When I have more info on the release date I'll post it up here. Don't miss this one!

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1362058/

Up next week: The post-apocalypic flick "The Day".