Brain Dead and Dead Snow: My loss is your gain.

I've re-written this review about 5 times trying to come up with something nice to say, finally deciding to just come out and say what has to be said: There are 95 minutes now missing from my life that I will NEVER get back again, and I have only myself to blame.

How this movie received 5.5/10 stars on IMDB I have no idea. I made a point to go back and read the reviews and I am fully convinced that many were schill/paid reviews. I'm no conspiracy-theorist but something smells funny.  There is a LOT of T&A in the first 15 minutes, including a lesbian river skinny-dip scene. I get the feeling maybe some of those high ratings were from teenage boys who have not yet joined the touchaboobie tribe.

The story line is typical Zombie plot: a bunch of strangers, for some reason or another, get trapped in a cabin together in the woods and one-by-one they get picked off by Zombies. Nothing new here.

The special effects were dreadful, and the acting was even worse. I don't know why I kept watching. All I can guess it was the "train wreck effect" where I just couldn't look away. Again, I blame myself.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 1.

If I have prevented one person from losing 95 minutes of their life, then my work here is done. If nothing else, this crappy flick shows you that I'm not just a Zombie fanboy that loves everything.

WATCH IT IF: you hate yourself, or are blind, or deaf, or you are blind and deaf and hate yourself.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you have something more entertaining to do, like watch grass grow or paint dry.

Brain Dead is available on NetFlix and Amazon Prime.

If you still insist on watching this film, even after this review, treat it like trying 'shrooms or cross-dressing for the first time: Don't spend any of your own money and don't let anyone see you doing it.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0914799/.

Since this movie was a flop, let me recommend a better one...................................

DEAD SNOW

Ahhh................Dead Snow. Not unlike that "other movie" I just reviewed above, this movie has the word "Dead" in the title and involves a bunch of people in a cabin in the woods being attacked by Zombies. But this time, they are Nazi Zombies. 

If you've been jones'n for a movie featuring a horde of Nazi Zombies and lots of action, look no further: you've found the motherload.



The plot revolves around a bunch of medical students getting away for some rest and relaxation in a secluded cabin during the Easter break. Unknown to them, they've picked a horrible spot for a getaway. Back in the day, evil Nazis used these hills for an escape route or safe haven way back when, and it's said that this is where they supposedly holed up and eventually died. Of course, you know the story. Since this is a Zombie flick they come back to life and spice up the party.

A few things you should know. First, this is a Norwegian film with subtitles. I don't have a problem personally with subtitles but some people do. (Little-known fact: Not everyone in the world speaks English. I know. Crazy right?) Second, this movie doesn't take itself too seriously and you shouldn't either. It makes a lot of references to some iconic Zombie movies, especially in the first half of the movie when most of the med students are still living. Third, the action really gets going almost halfway through the movie. So if you have a short attention span, fast forward to about the 40 minute part and you'll be OK.

From a sheer economic perspective, I think this movie is great because it single-handedly kept the SS-Uniform-Replica-Garment Industry busy for months with all its uniformed SS troop extras.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7

I absolutely LOVE this film. It's entertaining, has some plot twists, and just makes me happy. Don't judge me if I tell you I've watched it at least 4 times.

WATCH IT IF: you like Nazi Zombies, think watching foreign films makes you smarter, or you're looking to get out of renting a vacation cabin in the woods by showing this to your significant other.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: your ADHD keeps you from enjoying films with subtitles, you are a teenage boy really just looking for some T&A, or you were once attacked by Nazi Zombies and this movie would stir up too many repressed memories.

Dead Snow is available on NetFlix and Amazon Prime.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1278340/


Up Next: We take a look at the fan-funded "A Little Bit Zombie".