Dead & Breakfast (2004) : It's like a bad horror movie.....only worse.

I had never heard of this movie until a few weeks ago when I wanted to watch a zombie flick, but wasn't in the mood to be filled with despair and gloom afterwards.  I did a google search for "best Zombie comedies" and it popped up in several lists.  With the hundreds of Zombie movies that have been made in the last 20 years or so, I was certain that just because I had never watched it, or even heard of it before, didn't mean that it wasn't good.

A quick search on IMDB and a few other sites showed that it received ratings of mediocre to good, which for die-hard Zombie genre fanatics means it could be "OK to Great". So I figured it was probably worth the risk to invest 88 minutes to watch it.

The tag-line for the movie should have given me a clue as to what I was in for: "It's like a bad horror movie.....only worse."

OK, the beginning of the movie showed promise. The opening animation and artwork were pretty awesome. That sort of stuff draws me in probably more than it generally should. Then the next 10 minutes or so the group of 20-somethings in the Winnebago were really annoying. I started to rethink my decision until they met the singing gas station attendant and his band. AWESOME! They were sort of the comic music relief that popped up periodically in the movie, much like the band in "Something About Mary".

Unfortunately, the band was the best part of the movie, and even their periodic appearance couldn't save what was otherwise a HORRIBLE film. The producers/writers were obviously influenced by "The Evil Dead" as this movie tried hard to be like it (in one of the scenes there is even an "Evil Dead 2" poster in the background)..............but in the end it was worse. And that says a lot, since honestly I think "The Evil Dead" and it's remake, "Evil Dead 2" were pretty horrible. Blasphemy, I know. I just didn't like those movies. I'll get to that in another review though, so lets not sidetracked here.

I think on paper this movie probably was better than it was in reality. It probably wouldn't have been bad if executed correctly. Even the inclusion of David Carradine (awww!) and Diedrich Bader ("Louis" from "The Drew Carey Show") couldn't save it. The filming was bad, lighting was worse than a high-school production, special effects and make-up were worse than the first season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", and the acting...........if you can call it that...........was dreadful. After about 40 minutes I started looking at my watch wondering if I should pull the ripcord. Finally at about the hour mark, after the singing gas station attendant was killed off............I hit the stop button on the remote.

The next day at work while talking to a co-worker, I was telling him about the movie and the fact that it was so bad I stopped watching, and he reminded me of my commitment to give an accurate review. How could I give an accurate review if I didn't watch the whole thing? Dammit. Back at home later that evening I finished it....................and believe it or not.............................it didn't get any better. Nope.


My "accurate review" statement above made me ponder upon something; who the hell are those people on IMDB and other sites that gave this movie a good rating? Were they actually watching it? Sober? With at least one eye open? If so there should be some sort of punishment given to them. Seriously. Not only is this probably one of the worst Zombie movies I have ever watched.........its quite possibly one of the top 5 worst movies of all time. True story.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a NEGATIVE 2.

I didn't think I could find a movie that was any worse than "Brain Dead".........and yet somehow I managed to do just that.

WATCH IT IF: Um.............I got nothing. Stay away.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You have any self-esteem what-so-ever.

"Dead & Breakfast" is available for streaming on Amazon Prime, unfortunately.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0350774/

Up next: The French Zombie flick "The Horde".

Quarantine (2008) : The CDC is here to help you. Really.

I've been wanting to see "Quarantine" for awhile now, and I'll admit that's mostly because it stars Jennifer Carpenter. For those of you that are also "Dexter" fans, you'll know that Jennifer Carpenter plays Dexter's (step)sister "Deb". Deb is brash, lovable, and foul-mouthed: in one episode she had a great line where a certain f-word was used as an adjective, noun, verb, and adverb.

In "Qurantine" she plays cute and bubbly television reporter Angela Vidal. Her portrayal of this character in this movie convinced me that she really is a great actress, as it was a total departure from Deb.

Alright, enough about Jennifer Carpenter. Here's the official trailer, followed by a synopsis of the movie from IMDB:

Television reporter Angela Vidal and her cameraman are assigned to spend the night shift with a Los Angeles Fire Station. After a routine 911 call takes them to a small apartment building, they find police officers already on the scene in response to blood curdling screams coming from one of the apartment units. They soon learn that a woman living in the building has been infected by something unknown. After a few of the residents are viciously attacked, they try to escape with the news crew in tow, only to find that the CDC has quarantined the building. Phones, internet, televisions and cell phone access have been cut-off, and officials are not relaying information to those locked inside. When the quarantine is finally lifted, the only evidence of what took place is the news crew's videotape.

So its yet another derrivitive of "missing footage found after all hell breaks loose and everyone dies" ala "Blair Witch Project". Fortunately these TV reporters have good equipment so I didn't get a headache or get dizzy. Yay for steadi-cams!

I'm not certain if this is a "Zombie" movie or not. There's an infection that's transmitted by biting. Let's say it's Rabies (because it is). The people become crazed and start attacking/eating other folks that are trapped in the building. Technically they aren't Zombies since they aren't dead.......although in one scene the police pumped an old lady full of lead and she was still walking around.

Just for fun, I decided to look-up the definition of "zombie" in the American Heritage Dictionary:

zom·bie also zom·bi 

 

NOUN:

pl. zom·bies, also zom·bis

 

1. A snake god of voodoo cults in West Africa, Haiti, and the southern United States.
2. 1. A supernatural power or spell that according to voodoo belief can enter into and reanimate a corpse.
   2. A corpse revived in this way.
3. One who looks or behaves like an automaton.
4. A tall mixed drink made of various rums, liqueur, and fruit juice.

Hmmmm. Not at all what I expected to find. Especially #4. I've gotta try that one.

Crap. I'm going to call it a Zombie movie anyway. After all, "28 Days" is along with a host of other movies that probably shouldn't be, so this one gets a pass in my book.

Back to the movie. I liked it. A lot. There were some really scary bits and at times it was so totally out of control and involving I found myself yelling at the characters. I loved the Big Brother aspect of the CDC keeping them all locked in there.........when one of them tried to escape you just know its going to end badly for them. Oh well, at least he wasn't eaten I guess, so he had that going for him.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7.5.

The thought of being locked in a dark apartment building by the government, with a bunch of sick people that want to eat you is super scary. And this movie does a great job of conveying what that might feel like. I had nightmares for days after watcthing this one.

WATCH IT IF: You're ready to get the crap scared out of you, you aren't a "purist" when it comes to Zombie flicks, or are a fan of Jennifer Carpenter and are interested in seeing her in something different than Dexter.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You are a "purist" when it comes to Zombie flicks, you get nightmares easily, or one of your relatives works for the CDC and you are offended that this movie portrayed as bad guys.

"Quarantine" is available for streaming on Amazon Prime.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1082868/


If you have a strong opinion about what is, or isn't, a Zombie movie, please leave a comment and let me know, thanks! Up next we take a look at "Dead and Breakfast".

The Dead (2010) : Creepy man, just creepy.

Creepy.

That's the best word to use to describe "The Dead".  If you're jonesing to watch a Zombie flick with tons of action, big guns, and explosions, this movie ain't it. But if you're in a "make some popcorn, turn off the lights, and get creeped out" mood, then put this one on your watch list.

"The Dead" is filmed in west African locations such as Burkina Faso and Ghana, as well as the Sahara desert. The setting is unique and, quite frankly, where I have always thought the Zombie outbreak would occur when if it ever happens.

From the very beginning, "The Dead" gives you the heebie-jeebies as it introduces its enemy in the (non-living) person of an African native zombie with a disfigured leg. The plot is fairly simple. An American military engineer washes up on the coast of west Africa after his evacuation flight crashes. As the sole survivor he attempts to reach a northern military air field to re-attempt his escape, and runs into an African military soldier who is trying to find his son during the chaos.

I know this film was made with a very small budget, yet they found a way to keep it looking honest and real; nothing in the film looked cheap. Much like "Exit Humanity", this film proves that "less" truly can be "more".

An interesting thing about this movie that it reflects what I believe true life would be like during an outbreak in Africa; moments of sheer terror punctuating long periods of abolutely nothing happening. There are several parts in the movie where I was like "they're right around the corner" or "watch out, they're right behind that truck" and then BOOM! Nothing. It was refreshing.....in a strange way.

Instead of making the Zombie eyes look like cataracts as most do these days they made them sharp white, penetrating and unblinking like Haitian Zombies....maybe even "reptilian" in a way. I liked the directors use of silent, slow zombies that by default move with silence and stealth but can snap and bite quickly when close enough and aroused to it. Running Zombies that growl and groan non-stop are actually not as scary as slow silent movers.

If you can't tell already, I like this film. Mainly because of it's creepiness, but also because its different than so many other Zombie flicks out there.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7.

The setting of Africa, combined with the total feeling of being alone in a vast wasteland of Zombies totally works and is completely believeable. It's easy to get lost in this movie.

WATCH IT IF: you're looking for something different from the typical Zombie movie, like being depressed and/or creeped out, or you just like deserts and sand with dead people walking about.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you like your Zombie-fighting heroes outfitted with super-high-tech weaponry accompanied by a hip-hop soundtrack, a relative of yours once died from Ibola contracted in Africa and you still have a hang-up about it, or you're more in the mood for something way more happy and feel-goody like "Apocalypse Now".

"The Dead" is available for streaming on NetFlix and Amazon Prime.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1386925/

BONUS BEER RECOMMENDATION: If you're looking for a beer to go perfectly with the feelings of desparation and hunger you get from watching this movie, give this one a try: Tröegs Dead Reckoning Porter. A delicious and unconventional porter, it pours a nice smooth chocolate brown color, with some suspended sediment and a foamy tan head. The nose is surprisingly hoppy for a porter, bitter and resinous, almost like a black IPA more than a porter. There is also a big old roasty malt profile that compliments the hops nicely.

Next Week: We take a look at the movie "Quarantine".