The Day (2011) : "The Walking Hungry"

First before you read this review there is something that must be said: This isn't a Zombie movie (gasp!). Well, sort of. But not really. Confused? Read on.........

The premise: Ten years after society collapsed following an unspecified catastrophe, survivors Rick (Dominic Monaghan), Adam (Shawn Ashmore), Henson (Cory Hardrict), Shannon (Shannyn Sossamon), and Mary (Ashley Bell ----probably the only recognizable actor in the movie) wander aimlessly across the scorched earth, seeking sustenance and shelter from the roving hordes of cannibals who consume the living.

OK, so there are no Zombies but there are people eating people. Flesh-eating without all of the "grrrr-arrrrrgh" and all that.

Directed by Douglas Aarniokoski, “The Day” looks radiant and parched, as if shot through an Instagram filter; it’s blandly striking and pretty all at the same time. It reminded me a lot of "Exit Humanity" in its filming style. This is one of those movies that could probably survive on its cinematography alone if there was no dialogue from the cast.


But..........unfortunately there was dialogue. Bad dialogue. Really bad dialogue. Think "every post-apocalyptic movie cliche you have ever heard" bad.

Color me disappointed. Is there an Instagram filter for that?

OK, I'll admit that I was super-pumped about this movie before I watched it, so maybe I had unfairly built it up too much in my head. Unfortunately I found myself at about the 1/2 hour point fighting the urge to turn it off. The characters were sadly one-dimensional, which caused me to lose interest in whether they lived or died. The only remotely interesting character was Mary, who was the stereotypical "loner kick-ass female with a dark secret past to be revealed later".

There's a small plot-twist or two during the movie, but for the most point it was totally predictable. During this time of "The Walking Dead" mid-season hiatus, I was really hoping this could be a nice filler snack. Don't get me wrong, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen.............I was just let down.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 5.


I wanted to like it more but great cinematography can only make up for so much. If the writers would have made the characters a little multi-dimensional instead of cardboard cut-outs, this would have been a much better movie.

In the interest of full-disclosure and perspective, I did waste an entire hour of my life last nite watching "Zombie Apocalypse" on Discovery HD. "Zombie Apocalypse" was a documentary about a bunch of preppers that are ready for the world to end due to a Zombie uprising. It was a hoaky, horrible waste of an hour of programming. Truly horrible. I would have gladly watched "The Day" again instead of that program..

WATCH IT IF: You have a choice of watching it or "Zombie Apocalypse:, are just jones'n for a post-apocalyptic film and need a fix, or are an Ashley Bell fan.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: You have Season 2 of "The Walking Dead" on your Tivo to catch up on, get turned-off by poor character development and poor dialogue, or have some Christmas present wrapping to do. Even then you could watch it with the sound turned down.

"The Day" is available for streaming on Amazon and can be purchased on DVD from many sources.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1756799/

Up next: Due to the impending Christmas Holiday, we may take a break for a week. When we come back we'll take a look at "The Dead". Merry Chistmas and thanks for reading!

Cockneys vs Zombies (2012) : Let the British Zombie Invasion begin

On the heels of "Doghouse", I decided to keep the Anglo-Zombie trend alive by checking out "Cockneys vs Zombies".  I haven't seen a bad Zombie film in awhile, so I was afraid that I was due a flop. Thankfully my streak of good luck continues.............

Much like "Snakes on a Plane" or "Alien vs. Predator", the title tells you more or less what to expect. So don't get your hopes up for something that's going to win an Academy Award, or even a lesser-valued Screen Actors Guild award. But People's Choice award? Maybe...........if there was a category of "Wildly Entertaining".




They could have called this film "Lock, Stock and Two Headless Zombies" because it had a total Guy Ritchie feel to it: the filming style, angles, the non-stop action, and Cockney accents so bad they made me wonder what language they were speaking. It all works, and works well. I shouldn't be surprised that a Brit Zombie film emulated his style as he has spawned many copycats over the years.

The Plot Summary from IMDB:

"This British movie is about a group of inept criminals who decide to rob a bank so they can save their grandfather's retirement home from being demolished by developers. Meanwhile on another building site some workers dig up an old graveyard and they get bitten by the "undead" which sets off a chain reaction. Then the bank robbers are cornered by the police while in the process of the robbery, but when they exit they find that they are all dead as a result of the horde of zombies. They have to get to the retirement home before the zombies do! "

Zombies and septuagenarians and bank robbers?! Please take my money now!

The script was done by James Moran. You might not know that name, but if you are a Sci-Fi fan you definitely know some of his work: Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Primevil. The story is fast-paced and pretty much keeps you on the edge of your seat most of the time. The intertwining of the different plots into one works very well. I especially loved the scenes where the retirees were fighting off or running walking away from the Zombies.


There are a few actors in this movie that you will recognize if you are a fan of British films and programming: Alan Ford ("Snatch"), Honor Blackman (the original "Avengers" series and "Goldfinger"), Michelle Ryan ("Dr Who", "Merlin", "Bionic Woman", and "Jeckyll"), and Georgia King ("The New Normal").

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a solid 7.5

I had a great time watching this movie! Even if I couldn't understand half of what they were saying at times due to the Cockney accents, I still loved it. I can't recall the last time I laughed and cheered so much during a movie.

WATCH IT IF: You liked both "Shaun of the Dead" and "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels", can't wait to see septuagenarians kicking some Zombie butt, or are just looking for a good, entertaining action film.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you have something against thick British accents, don't like the elderly, or don't like being entertained: in otherwords, if you are a prude.

Althought it was released in August in the UK, "Cockneys vs Zombies" is not yet available for viewing in the USA. It is slated for US DVD and download release sometime in early 2013. When I have more info on the release date I'll post it up here. Don't miss this one!

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1362058/

Up next week: The post-apocalypic flick "The Day".

Doghouse (2009) : Getting back my "mens card".

One thing that you may or may not know about me is that in addition to Zombie movies, I love chick flicks. I mean, sappy, sobby, get-the-tissue-box-out and have-a-good-cry chick flicks. Think "The Notebook" or "Time Traveler's Wife". Watch enough of these movies and you get a letter from the Card Carrying Men's Club (CCMC) stating that your membership card is about to be revoked and you are no longer allowed to use the secret handshake.

 

Thankfully, once in a great while a movie like "Doghouse" comes along to make everything right again.
 

Here's the official movie description on IMDB:

"Vince is handling his divorce badly. He's depressed. Gone to pieces. But his mates aren't giving up on him. Struggling with their own women troubles, they drag him off for an ultimate lads drinking weekend in the country. Arriving in the village of Moodley where the women outnumber the men 3:1, the boys find themselves holidaying in a village overrun by psychotic, homicidal Zombirds with a thirst for male flesh"

With a description like that, you know you are in for one fine piece of CCMC membership-restoring cinema. That's not to say only men would like this movie: any non-PC person, male or female, with a penchant for British humour should be entertained. Think Benny Hill meets "Shaun of the Dead".

Nearly every stereo-typical female Zombie is represented in this flick:

• beautician Zombie
• barmaid Zombie
• bride Zombie
• politician Zombie
• teenage girl Zombie
• female butcher Zombie
• hugely obese housewife dressed in a bathrobe and hair curlers Zombie

Doghouse is directed by Jake West. If you recognize that name he's done some other iconic, campy movies in the last few years, most notably "Evil Aliens". While "Evil Aliens" was done with a shoestring budget, its obvious that West raised some more cash for Doghouse as the production quality and effects are much better.

Don't watch this movie if you are looking for something that's going to scare the hell out of you or keep you from your beauty rest due to nightmares; its not that kind of movie. But if you liked "Shaun of the Dead", "Zombieland", or "Zombie Strippers"; you'll be laughing out loud. Before you know it 85 minutes will have went by and you won't feel bad about it! There are some great Zombie kills that had me cheering and rolling in my seat at the same time.

It wasn't all good, though. To be honest, I was a bit let-down by the ending. That seems to be the problem with a lot of Zombie flicks. Its like the crew and actors get burnt out near the end and just get together and say "OK, let's end this thing". But other than that, I had a great time. And earned my CCMC card back.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a solid 6.

If they would have done a better job with the ending, it may have earned a 6.5 or 7. While PC folks may find it slightly mysoginistic, "Doghouse" is wildly entertaining and a bit of a guilty pleasure. The mix of British humour and campy horror is a winning combo. The Brits just seem to know how to do the Zombie genre well.

WATCH IT IF: you liked "Shaun of the Dead", are jones'n for fun Zombie kills and some brain-dead entertainment, or you need to get your mens club card back.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you are strongly PC, or somewhat PC and think you secretly might like it and therefor be a bad person, or you are a typical male that watches waaaaay too many movies that ojectify women-folk and need to offset that by watching "The Notebook" instead.

"Doghouse" is available for streaming thru Netflix. It is also available to purchase in DVD format from Amazon.com.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1023500/

Next Week: We continue the anglo-zombie trend and take a look at "Cockneys vs Zombies".

The Walking Dead mid-season finale: Let the withdrawal symptoms begin

OH BOY! If you haven't had a chance to catch the mid-season finale that aired on Sunday, 12/2 stop reading now, as this contains spoilers and some (personal) predictions and observations......

Here's a quick recap of the episode:

Rick, Michonne, and the crew finally make it into Woodbury to save Glenn and Maggie. Glenn makes a dagger from the fore-arm of a walker and almost escapes with Maggie, only to be caught by Merle and crew. Thankfully Rick shows up to save the day and makes it out of there with Maggie and Glenn in tow. Daryl stays behind to cover them as they go over the wall, and then apparently (we never see it) gets caught.

At the prison a new group of stragglers shows up. This group contains Tyreese, who I have been waiting to show up. Carl shows what a little bad-ass he has become and brings them in while at the same time putting them in their place. The scraggly blonde prisoner appears to be making the moves on Hershel's youngest daughter, and Carol nips that in the bud rather quickly.

While all of this was going on Andrea was trying her damnest to get in the middle of everything but yet somehow never saw any of the people she knew from Rick's group.

Meanwhile, Michonne waits patiently for the Governor in his room, presumably to dish out a little justice with the sharp side of her blade. She becomes distracted by noises in the adjacent room and discovers the heads in the fishtanks, and Penny. Of course the Governor shows up at that moment, and Michonne puts her sword thru Penny's head. A fight ensues, with Michonne getting away, only after she sticks a shard of fish-tank glass thru the Governor's right eye.

Of course this means that Merle was lying to the Governor when he told him he killed Michonne a few episodes back, so the Governor takes out his wrath on Merle by calling him out in the square in front of the townsfolk and have him arrested for being a traitor. It's then that a captured Daryl is brought out in front of everyone. The episode ends leaving you with the feeling that a fight to the death is going to be staged between Daryl and Merle for the townsfolks entertainment.

Whew! That was a lot to happen in an hour, while at the same time leaving you wanting more. I guess that's what a mid-season finale is supposed to do; get you on the line and set the hook.

I was wondering what they were going to do with Merle when the group catches up to him after his beat-down of Glenn and his attempt at killing Michonne. It seems like they have set it up to where there is a possiblity he may end up back with the group now that he is an outcast in Woodbury, but that assumes he survives his impending fight with his brother.

I'm glad that Tyreese is finally brought into the plot line! In the comics he is probably the closest thing to a friend that Rick has, and is a pretty stand-up guy. He shows up rather early on in the comic series so this is a bit of a late intro for him, but we all know the show doesn't exactly follow the comic so that's to be expected.

OK, so I mentioned that the blonde scraggly prisoner is getting friendly with Hershel's youngest daughter. This makes me think they may make his character somewhat like the psychotic inmate in the comics that kills two of Hershel's daughters and cuts their heads off. He seemed mild-mannered and nice in the comic and everyone thought he was in there for embezzeling or some other white-collar crime, when in fact he was a freaky serial killer. Watch this guy.

So now what do you do now that the next new episode isn't going to air until FEBRUARY 10th, 2013? Well there are a few things....

1. You can check out the "Revolution" series, or what I like to call "Walking Dead Lite". Check out my review from last week on this one.

2. If you haven't read any of the comics yet, now is a great time. I wouldn't read much past #30 if you don't want any potential spoilers. They are a great (and quick) read and give some interesting back-story to many of the characters. Just remember that the TV series and the comics are the same story going down two slightly different paths. Some characters exist on TV while they don't in the comics, and visa versa.

3. Watch "The Walking Dead" season 1 and 2 again. They are both available now on Netflix. You'd be surprised how many things you missed the first time you saw them. Also on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, AMC will be running a Walking Dead marathon. So if you don't have Netflix, set your DVR's/VCR's.

4. Read "Rise of the Governor".  This is Kirkman's first non-graphic novel and is a great, quick read. The story follows a completely different set of survivors and gives you an insight into why the Governor is who he is. "Rise of the Governor" is available in book format and is also available for download to your Kindle on amazon.com. There are a few differences between this "Governor" and the TV series version, but it's still damn good.


5. Read my blog. Yes, if you haven't read it already, I've reviewed a bunch of Zombie flicks and some of them are actually pretty good. Read about them and check them out if you want.

OK, that's all I've got for now. Thanks for reading, and if you have any additional thoughts or observations I'd love to hear them.

Up next week: We check out "Doghouse"......

Revolution: aka "Walking Dead Lite"

You may have read a few times here that my sig-other has a rather bad fear of Zombies. She refuses to watch any thing that has Zombies in it...........even if they are cute and cuddly Zombies. I personally didn't understand her (in my mind) irrational fear until one day I realized that by definition every phobia is irrational. I personally am afraid of heights and clowns (not in that order), and to some that probably sounds even stranger than Zombies.

So for years I've lived with watching Zombie-esque entertainment behind closed doors and/or own my own. Until now.

Enter "Revolution" on NBC.

Revolution has all of the ingredients of a Zombie Apocalypse..............except for no Zombies. Simply turn off the power, wait 15+ years, and see what has happened to civilized society. After all, most great Zombie movies have major or minor subplots certered around how bad the still-living humans are and how badly they treat each other.

Finally something I can watch with the sig-other and get somewhat of a Zombie fix! Granted its a little like drinking lite beer when you were hoping for a big bold stout..........but it does still quench my thirst.

The story line is pretty good, and the fact that John Favreau (of "Iron Man" fame) is involved means that the show has some weight behind it. I don't want to give too much away, so check it out for yourself. Watch the first episode and decide for yourself.......maybe after the "mid season finale" of Walking Dead is over next week you'll find yourself looking for a fix and this may just be the ticket.

 

More info can be found here on the official website: http://www.nbc.com/revolution/

Revolution is available on Hulu Plus, and also on NBC On Demand if you subscribe to Time-Warner Cable.

Up next week: We talk about the mid-season finale of Walking Dead.............

Pontypool (2008) : Yet another Canadian surprise

You were probably expecting a review on Resident Evil Extinction, but I decided to take a break from the Resident Evil series to talk about yet another fine Canadian Zombie film: Pontypool.

I watched this movie last week while I was in China early one morning at about 3:00am. My sleep schedule was all messed up, and I decided to watch something that I thought might suck in case I finally became sleepy and didn't catch the ending. I mean, lets face it, there are a lot of bad Zombie flicks out there.

Maybe it was my insomnia, maybe it was the fact that I was sitting alone in a hotel room 8000 miles away from home watching it in the dark............I don't know............but whatever it was, this movie creeped me out. I mean REALLY creeped me out.

The movie almost entirely takes place inside a radio studio, where cowboy-hat-wearing radio talk show host Grant Mazzy has recently began his employment after being fired from another radio station for probably just being himself: an arrogant self-centered guy who drinks whiskey-spiked coffee at 6:00am has no problem finding a way to piss off anyone and everyone he comes in contact with.


Mazzy has a strange encounter with a woman along the road on his way to work, and slowly the strangeness of the day builds to the point where its obvious that something is going terribly wrong in the town of Pontypool, Ontario. As a veteran Zombie fanatic like myself, you'll see the signs early on of a Zombie infection even though it takes awhile for our main characters to catch on, albeit a little late. It takes one of them to get infected to impart the true gravity of the epidemic to our host and his assistant.

"Pontypool" is an extreme departure from your typical Zombie film in several ways. First (and don't be disappointed), you hardly see ANY Zombies. You hear about them in news reports and a few pop up, but for the most part you see less Zombies in this film than the first 5 minutes of your average "Walking Dead" episode. Second, and most important, the Zombie "virus" is not spread by any means that we are used to. It's not airborne. Not in the water. Not spread by touch. Not by bites. I won't give it away but when I finally figured it out and thought about it in detail THAT'S when I really became creeped out..........

I won't give away any more of the plot because if you haven't yet seen this movie, you owe it to yourself to check it out. I ended up watching it a second time during my China trip because there were a few parts I wanted to take a second look at. That should tell you something.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a solid 7.5.

The "less-is-more" style of storytelling, combined with the strange plot-twist and great acting, made this movie very enjoyable and engaging. Even people who aren't Zombie fanatics will like this one. Just don't watch it alone in your hotel room in China at 3:00am.

WATCH IT IF: you, like me, seem to have a thing for Canadian Zombie movies, or are looking for something different. Or are stuck in a hotel in China with the urge to be really freaked out.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you dislike anything Canadian eh, or are a purist and only like your Zombie movies full of hordes, big guns, and bad acting.

 

Pontypool is available for streaming thru Netflix. It is also available in DVD format from RedBox and Amazon.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1226681/

Next Week: If you're reading this, drop me a line and tell me what you would like for me to watch and review......

Resident Evil Apocalypse (2004) : Bad Girls, Big Guns and Bigger Stereotypes

Traveling to China is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I have countless hours on an airplane to catch up on my movies as long as I remember to load them on my tablet. And a curse because the internet here in China SUCKS so I don't get to stream ANYTHING. So if you saw the latest episode of Walking Dead on Sunday, for the love of God, DO NOT speak to me or offer up any spoilers. I have no way of seeing it over here in the land of eternal smog until I get home later this coming weekend.

So on the plane on the way over I caught up on a few Zombie flicks, and the first was "Resident Evil: Apocalypse". I've seen this one before but since its been a long time. Since I just watched the first Resident Evil last week, I figured the sequel was in order.

The movie picks up right where the first one leaves off: Alice awakens in Raccoon City to find it turned into an apocalyptic mess thanks to her seemingly careless ex-coworkers at the Umbrella Corporation. Half the city's inhabitants are already infected and killing the other half, and Umbrella has sealed off the city: planning to clean-up the area with a nuclear incident.

Joining with a group of survivors, Alice makes a deal with an Umbrella scientist who promises to get them out of town as long as they rescue his daughter. Meanwhile Umbrella has its own plans for Alice, involving a seven-foot armour-clad mutant called Nemesis who's using the infested city as a training ground. Mayhem ensues, complete with huge guns and heroines clad in outfits that in the real world wouldn't stay on during such fierce fighting.

Sienna Guillory plays tough-chick super cop Jill Valentine, complete with super short mini-skirt, tailored tube-top, boots and guns. Her character is such a stereotype its actually entertaining, giving Alice a run for the "toughest bitch" award.

Speaking of stereotypes, Mike Epps plays a character that appears to be a cross between a missing Wayans brother and Huggie Bear. Though entertaining at first, I was quickly rooting for him to become a snack.


The rest of the cast does a pretty decent job of acting, although I found myself wishing there were more Zombies and less people that I was supposed to be invested in. As a summer blockbuster action film, which is what I think it was intended to be, this movie does a good job of keeping things moving along at a fast pace and keeping me engaged. But the Zombies play second-fiddle to super-monsters and evil corporations.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 5

Sadly, it doesn't live up to the original Resident Evil in terms of plot or Zombie content. Thankfully there still plenty of Alice kicking ass in the movie, which ultimately probably saved it for me from being a 3 or 4. I hope the next RE movie gets back to its roots....

WATCH IT IF: you like watching dominant women shooting big guns and generally kicking ass, want to give your home theatre a workout with the several-thousand rounds of gunfire and explosions, or just want something brain-dead (pun intended) to watch and not think about anything.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you were hoping to see a Zombie-focused movie, think super-corporations are too often demonized and have a chip on your shoulder about it, or are a card-carrying metrosexual and don't like the idea of watching dominant women shooting big guns and generally kicking ass.

"Resident Evil: Apocalypse" is available for streaming thru Amazon Prime and Netflix, and is also available for purchase from many locations.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0318627/

Up Next: Resident Evil: Extinction

Resident Evil (2002): Alice ages like a fine wine.

So you thought you were going to get a review of "Dead Season", didn't you? And you noticed that my blog update is a day late huh?

Well, the electronic gods conspired against me with BOTH of my internet and cable going down for a week until the cable company could come out and run a new drop to my house. While this was great for me catching up on my reading and hanging out with the little missus, it really messed up my grand plans for watching "Dead Season".

No worries. With "Resident Evil: Retribution" hitting the theatres last month, I thought it might be nice to revisit the original Resident Evil movie that started the franchise. It's been awhile since I watched this movie so it was almost like watching it all over again for the first time.

First, I have to say what has to be said: Milla Jovovich, who plays the main character Alice, is a BADASS. Period. Her fighting moves and action sequences in this movie blow me away. For my money, you could just make a 90-minute film of her killing baddies with no dialogue or plot and I'd still watch it.

Thankfully, the plot is there and is quite good. There's a virus outbreak in the "Hive", and underground development facility for the all-knowing omnipresent uber-company "Umbrella Corporation" (according to the movie 9 out of 10 houses have an Umbrella product in them). A computer safety program called "The Red Queen", a scary red hologram of a little girl, locks down The Hive and kills everyone inside. Instead of leaving well-enough alone, the Umbrella Corporation sends an elite para-military force down the rabbit hole to see what happened and kill the Red Queen.

For you Zombie movie affcionados, you know this can lead to no good. They should have left that place sealed up like a crypt called it a day. They didn't, so you know what happens next.

Mayhem ensues. And boy does it.

The Zombies in Resident Evil are scary as hell. They're a combination of regular Romero-esque Zombies and fast-movers. Extra bonus points for scarier-than-all-hell Zombie Dobermans guard dogs.


I won't go too much further into the plot since I don't like to give spoilers. There's enough of a plot and fast-paced action that the movie will be over before you know it and leave you wanting for more.............which is what I guess a good franchise does! I'm so glad that the electronic gods conspired together to make me watch this movie because I forgot how much I liked it.

I think I need to check around the house now to see if I have any Umbrella products.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7.5

A fast pace, good plot, lots of killing and baddassery kept me involved for the entire flick. There's a good reason why this movie spawned a slew of sequels. As a matter of fact it was soooooooo good I've got the sequel, "Resident Evil: Apocalypse" lined up to watch next!

WATCH IT IF: you like fast-paced action and hi-tech weaponry, are turned on by Zombie Dobermans, or fascinated by the idea of a whacked-out version of Alice in Wonderland meets Zombies.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you scare easily, like your leading ladies a little more cute and cuddly like found in "The Traveling Pants of the Ya Ya Sisterhood", or you dislike movies that unjustly demonize large power-mongering corporations.

"Resident Evil" is available for streaming thru Amazon Prime and Netflix, and is also available for purchase from many locations.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120804/

 Up Next: We follow Alice on her further adventures in Racoon City.

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012): Re-writing History

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is another low-budget ($150K) Civil War era Zombie film, not unlike "Exit Humanity" that I reviewed a few weeks ago. Chronologically, this movie takes place before "Exit Humanity" since the Civil War is still raging on.

I'm the first one to admit that I'm a sucker for Civil War anything, so to throw some Zombies into the mix made this movie irresistable for me. I had to see it, even though deep down in my heart I KNEW it had to be bad.

Thankfully, I was wrong.

It was..........pretty good! Not in a Golden Globe or Emmy way, but good in the "Honest Abe wielding a scythe and chopping off Zombie heads" way.

Bill Oberst Jr. plays a darn good Abe Lincoln. I had never heard of him before but a quick search on IMDB shows he's rather busy so others must lke him as well. The rest of the cast was a mixed bag, but even the worst actor ranked high compared most of the low-budget zombie films I've seen.

Beside Abe, other famous historical figures make their appearance; John Wilkes Booth, Pat Garret, Stonewall Jackson, a young Teddy Roosevelt, to name a few. I'm a bit of a Civil War era history nut, so I must say that there were some issues with their inclusion, like the fact that Stonewall Jackson was already dead by the time this would have taken place, and Teddy Roosevelt would have been younger than he appeared in the film...............but who cares!?  Who would have known that Teddy Roosevelt actually got his "Walk softly and carry a big stick" saying from Abe Lincoln while killing Zombies???

Speaking of Zombies, they were fairly well-done. They weren't quite as scary as the black-eyed Zombies in "Exit Humanity", but believable none-the-less. They nailed the period-correct dress perfectly. The Zombies in this film are the slow-lumbering type, with a twist: they can't see, and are only attracted by noise. So if you are quiet, you are safe.........hence the Roosevelt quote above.

I don't want to give any of the plot away, so let's just say that this movie does a decent job of interweaving Zombies with historical facts and changing it up a bit. If you know history you know that Abe is going to die at the end but this movie really shakes that up.....................

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a solid 5.

The blend of historical figures from the Civil War era and Zombies was wildly entertaining, even moreso than I thought it would be. The pace of the movie is decent with plenty of Zombie gore and blood-spatter.  While it doesn't quite live up to the standards of "Exit Humanity", its still a great effort especially given the small budget. If you haven't seen "Exit Humanity" yet, watch this one first as an "appetizer".

WATCH IT IF: you liked "Exit Humanity", think the idea of mixing Zombies with Honest Abe may taste as good as peanut butter mixed with chocolate, or you want to know the real story as to why John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you dislike movies that re-write history, you like your Zombie movies to be more techy ala "Resident Evil", or you are STILL angry about the North winning the Civil War and are waiting for the South to rise again in a different way.

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies is available for streaming thru Amazon Prime and Netflix. It is also available in DVD format from RedBox.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2246549/

Next Week: We take a look at "Dead Season".

Juan of the Dead (2011): Dissidents Beware!

There is something you need to understand before you watch this flick: it is NOT just a Cuban version of Shaun of the Dead. Yes there are similarities. The main character has a chubby, slacker best friend and they are a little unaware of what is happening at the beginning of the Zombie outbreak. But that's about where the comparisons end. OK, on with the review......

One of the things I like about this movie is that you get a real up close and personal view of what it is like to live in Havana under Communist rule. The scenery is both beautiful and sad at the same time. Havana is a place that time, and modernization, forgot. Everything is run down, the cars are ancient, and most things like elevators rarely work. Zombies being thrown into the semi-apocalyptic mix almost seem natural in a way.

The news reports in the movie are hilarious, so watch them and pay attention. Often they are in the background so they can be a little obscure. The Cuban news and government blame the USA for the attack and call the Zombies "dissidents".

The movie centers around Juan (Alexis Díaz de Villegas) and his friend Lazaro (Jorge Molina) who just get by day by day in their rather boring lives. When the living dead start to overrun the city, sending the entire island into chaos and destruction, Juan and Lazaro show their true Cuban entrenpeneurship by finding a way to make money out of the chaos by charging people to kill next of kin that became undead. With the help of Juan's daughter, Lazaro's son, and a gay couple they start a business called "JUAN DE LOS MUERTOS" or "JUAN OF THE DEAD".

As usual in my reviews, I don't want to give too much of the plot away or put in a spoiler, so I won't say too much else about what goes on. I will say that some of the Zombie kills are AWESOME and super-inventive. I especially like LOVE the scene where they all are naked and stuck in a prisoner van. That's all I can tell you about that without giving too much away.............

If you can't tell already, I really liked this film. It was fast-paced, entertaining, and made me laugh out loud many times. Even if you weren't a crazed zombie fan you'd have to find this movie entertaining. The characters are all gritty, somewhat unlikable yet lovable, and have real-world problems that don't stop when the Zombies come to town.

It does have a few issues that may turn a few folks off. First, it is subtitled. It doesn't bother me, but I know some folks that would turn off a movie the first time they see text they have to read scrolling acrossed the bottom of the screen. Second, there are a lot of jokes aimed at the Cuban government, and Cuban people in general, that I just didn't get. I had to look up some of the references after the movie to better understand them. So, again, if that whole reading thing is an issue for you, don't watch it. Of course, you're reading this blog right now so maybe you'd have no problem.....

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7

A fast pace, great characters, and interesting plot kept me involved and interested the entire flick. This movie is destined to become a cult classic.

WATCH IT IF: you like fast-paced action with inventive Zombie kill scenarios, want to get a sneak-peek into life in Havana, or on a foreign film kick like I am at the moment.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: that whole ADHD thing still greatly affects your ability to watch a subtitled flick, you are old enough to hate all things Cuban due to that silly little Missle Crisis thing, or prefer to watch movies with super-pretty, fake undead people from the town of Forks.

Juan of the Dead is available for streaming thru Amazon Prime and is available for purchase at Amazon and other locations. At the time of this writing it is not available on NetFlix for streaming.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1838571/

BONUS BEER RECOMMENDATION: Heart of Darkness, by Magic Hat Brewing, is a great stout with a relatively low ABV of 5.7. It is black in color, much like the souls of dissidents. It's creamy and smooth with a nice finish, and goes equally well with meats/cheeses as it does with celebrating a great Zombie kill.

Up Next: We kill some Zombies old-school style with Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt.

Brain Dead and Dead Snow: My loss is your gain.

I've re-written this review about 5 times trying to come up with something nice to say, finally deciding to just come out and say what has to be said: There are 95 minutes now missing from my life that I will NEVER get back again, and I have only myself to blame.

How this movie received 5.5/10 stars on IMDB I have no idea. I made a point to go back and read the reviews and I am fully convinced that many were schill/paid reviews. I'm no conspiracy-theorist but something smells funny.  There is a LOT of T&A in the first 15 minutes, including a lesbian river skinny-dip scene. I get the feeling maybe some of those high ratings were from teenage boys who have not yet joined the touchaboobie tribe.

The story line is typical Zombie plot: a bunch of strangers, for some reason or another, get trapped in a cabin together in the woods and one-by-one they get picked off by Zombies. Nothing new here.

The special effects were dreadful, and the acting was even worse. I don't know why I kept watching. All I can guess it was the "train wreck effect" where I just couldn't look away. Again, I blame myself.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 1.

If I have prevented one person from losing 95 minutes of their life, then my work here is done. If nothing else, this crappy flick shows you that I'm not just a Zombie fanboy that loves everything.

WATCH IT IF: you hate yourself, or are blind, or deaf, or you are blind and deaf and hate yourself.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you have something more entertaining to do, like watch grass grow or paint dry.

Brain Dead is available on NetFlix and Amazon Prime.

If you still insist on watching this film, even after this review, treat it like trying 'shrooms or cross-dressing for the first time: Don't spend any of your own money and don't let anyone see you doing it.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0914799/.

Since this movie was a flop, let me recommend a better one...................................

DEAD SNOW

Ahhh................Dead Snow. Not unlike that "other movie" I just reviewed above, this movie has the word "Dead" in the title and involves a bunch of people in a cabin in the woods being attacked by Zombies. But this time, they are Nazi Zombies. 

If you've been jones'n for a movie featuring a horde of Nazi Zombies and lots of action, look no further: you've found the motherload.



The plot revolves around a bunch of medical students getting away for some rest and relaxation in a secluded cabin during the Easter break. Unknown to them, they've picked a horrible spot for a getaway. Back in the day, evil Nazis used these hills for an escape route or safe haven way back when, and it's said that this is where they supposedly holed up and eventually died. Of course, you know the story. Since this is a Zombie flick they come back to life and spice up the party.

A few things you should know. First, this is a Norwegian film with subtitles. I don't have a problem personally with subtitles but some people do. (Little-known fact: Not everyone in the world speaks English. I know. Crazy right?) Second, this movie doesn't take itself too seriously and you shouldn't either. It makes a lot of references to some iconic Zombie movies, especially in the first half of the movie when most of the med students are still living. Third, the action really gets going almost halfway through the movie. So if you have a short attention span, fast forward to about the 40 minute part and you'll be OK.

From a sheer economic perspective, I think this movie is great because it single-handedly kept the SS-Uniform-Replica-Garment Industry busy for months with all its uniformed SS troop extras.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 7

I absolutely LOVE this film. It's entertaining, has some plot twists, and just makes me happy. Don't judge me if I tell you I've watched it at least 4 times.

WATCH IT IF: you like Nazi Zombies, think watching foreign films makes you smarter, or you're looking to get out of renting a vacation cabin in the woods by showing this to your significant other.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: your ADHD keeps you from enjoying films with subtitles, you are a teenage boy really just looking for some T&A, or you were once attacked by Nazi Zombies and this movie would stir up too many repressed memories.

Dead Snow is available on NetFlix and Amazon Prime.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1278340/


Up Next: We take a look at the fan-funded "A Little Bit Zombie".

Exit Humanity: Surprises DO come in cheap packages

(note: Smart readers will notice this isn't a Tuesday. Sig-Other had to work late so I snuck in a little Affair time!)

Let me preface this review by stating that this movie was made with a budget of $300K Canadian. CANADIAN.

So although I was totally stoked about the combination of civil war era and Zombies (yes, please!),  knowing the budget meant that I was braced and ready for a let-down. So much so that I had an alternative movie lined up as a bail-out to watch, just in case I had to pull the rip-cord to eject at about 20-30 minutes in.

However, within the first 10 minutes I was completely hooked. Not only did director John Geddes find a way to make a good Zombie movie with his meager budget, he made a good movie. Period.

Good cinematography (which this has in spades with the western Canada backdrop filling in as the American west) tends to make up for a lot of shortcomings. But frankly the casting, acting, Zombie make-up, special effects, and story were all well done.

Speaking of Zombie make-up, the period-dress-correct Zombies were awesome!

Brian Cox's voice-over was a welcome addition, filling in some story gaps and making the occasional animated parts even better. Animation you say? Don't think "cartoon", but more like the moving illustrations that are popular in movies like the current Sherlock Holmes franchise. The style is very similar and almost could have been done by the same artist.

Okay, I'm sounding a bit like a fanboy. I better reel it in a bit.

It does get a little slow in a few parts. Truthfully the movie could have been a little shorter. With some concise editing it could easily been 90 minutes instead of 108 minutes and have better flow. There were also a few plot elements that were stolen from other iconic Zombie fair. Faithful "Walking Dead" viewers will take note of something very much like the "Sophia incident" from season two, and the military dictator-like character that pops up in several movies like "28 Days".

Understand that I am being really picky with what I stated above. I had to actually look for shortcomings to write about so this doesn't sound like a paid review!

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one an 8.

Yes, an 8.

The setting of the mid-1800's with its lack of tech and feel of isolation, combined with the high production value made me feel like THIS version of a Zombie apocalypse truly was the end of the world.

WATCH IT IF: you're looking for something different from the typical Zombie movie plot, like anything that has to do with the period around the American Civil War, or you just like beautiful scenery combined with dead folks stumbling about.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you greatly dislike anything Canadian, like your Zombie-fighting heroes outfitted with super-high-tech weaponry accompanied by a hip-hop soundtrack, or you and your kin are still angry about that whole Civil War thing and are truly waiting for the South to rise again.

Exit Humanity is available right now on NetFlix and Amazon Prime.

More info can be found on IMDB here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1781812/.

BONUS: If you know me, you know that I'm a home-brewer and a general beer nut. I broke out the perfect beer to drink while viewing this movie: LA FIN DU MONDE ("The End of the World"). A fine triple made with spices in Quebec. It has a 9.5 ABV and goes great with bloodshed and despair. YUM!

Up next: A two-for-one review of "Brain Dead" and "Dead Snow".

Blood Creek: Not your average zombie flick

I'm going to be totally honest here; I had a lot of high expectations before watching this movie.

Joel Schumacher (Lost Boys, Flatliners, St. Elmo's Fire, A Time to Kill, and countless other movies) directing a movie about Nazi Zombies? I could barely wait for work to end to get home and dive in!

No spoiler alerts here, but I should set the record straight on what to expect if you want to watch this movie. First, IMHO it can only be loosely called a "Zombie movie" because really there aren't your typical Zombies in the plot. There are no lumbering undead zombies like in "Walking Dead", and no rage-infected fast-movers like "28 Days". They are basically re-animated corpses that do the bad guys bidding. Although I have to admit re-animated dobermans and horses are pretty damn scary! Also, if you are looking for a hoard of SS-uniformed Zombies (aka "Dead Snow") this is not your movie. There's one Nazi, he's not really a Zombie, but he is a bad-ass.

Michael Fassbender from "Inglorious Basterds" plays the villian brilliantly and shows that his genius in his Basterds role was not a fluke or one-hit-wonder. The rest of the acting is pretty good and is definitely a cut-above when compared to your average Zombie flick. Dominic Purcell and Henry Cavill are convincing as a pair of brothers who go on a mission to wreak revenge on a monster due to Purcell's capture years ago after coming back from the Iraq War, and Emma Booth perfectly cast as the young woman whose family ends up caught in the crossfire due to their own sins.

The ending was a little predictable and left things a little open for a sequal, although since this one went straight to DVD a sequal is somewhat doubtful. And in the beginning I felt like I was watching two different movies until the plot came together about 20 minutes in. But overall I thought it was well-done and definitely action-packed, keeping me on the edge of my seat for most of the second half of the movie. At 90 minutes its just short enough that you feel wanting a little more but also happy that it didn't have too many slow-moving plot issues.

My verdict? On a "Zombie Movie Scale of 1-10" I'd give this one a 6.

Slightly better than average and entertaining. I didn't come away feeling like I wanted 90 minutes back of my life that I wasted, and the different take on the genre was interesting.

WATCH IT IF: re-animated dobermans and horses, a hundred year old Nazi bad-ass, and a fast-moving plot are your things.

DON'T WATCH IT IF: you expect more than one Nazi, slow moving flesh eaters and a typical Zombie movie plot.

Blood Creek is currently available on NetFlix and more info can be found on IMDB here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450336/

Next week: The post-civil war era zombie flick "Exit Humanity".

Welcome to My Zombie Affair

This blog has been long in the making. 30 years actually.

Growing up in the 80's I was brainwashed by pop culture into thinking that unless something was made, written, or recorded in the last few years, it was crap. Only later in life did I figure out that things that my parents liked like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Gone With the Wind, John Wayne, etc were actually really good.

When I was twelve I spent the night at a friends house and watched "Night of the Living Dead" for the first time and was blown away. If you would have told me beforehand that a black and white movie made in the 60's with about 5 lines of dialogue would be so scary I would have told you that you were crazy......

That night sparked an interest, maybe even what some may call an obsession. Movies. Comics. Books. Anything that had Zombies in it I absorbed. When "Return of the Living Dead" came out a few years later in 1985 I waited in line for the first showing at our local movie theatre and then stayed for the second showing afterwards. "SEND MORE BRAINSSSSSSS!"

Today's technology has made it easier than ever to keep up with my obsession interest: Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, Crackle, Roku, YouTube, etc.

Zombies on demand 24/7. Woot! Grr! Argh!

I've been with my significant other for over 20 years now, and she has only one flaw: She absolutely hates Zombies. "Hate" may sound like a strong word but it really is the best way to describe her feelings when it comes to the genre. Being an artist she is blessed (or cursed) with an overly active imagination. This means if she is subjected to a Zombie flick, or any really scary movie, she has nightmares for days. I remember we weren't allowed to sleep with the bedroom window open for weeks after we watched "Mothman Prophesies". While that wasn't a Zombie movie, it was still scary as hell for her. Although for some reason, Vampire movies are "OK" and we can watch those with no problems. I guess Rob Pattinson isn't that scary.........

So my Zombie obsession has been relegated for several years to being fulfilled in print or watching movies while traveling. I travel to China often for my job so I have several 14+ hour flights a year to catch up, yay! (/SARCASM).

However, in the past year or so, I've found myself alone on Tuesday nites. My sig-other has Yoga and Pilates every Tuesday after work. So at our house, those have become my "Zombie Tuesdays": The one night a week I get to cheat on her with my Zombie obsession. A few guys at work are also into Zombie movies so I find myself reporting back to them every Wednesday about what I watched and what my rating of the movie was. After doing this for awhile I figured it made more sense to put my thoughts in print so that I had a reference to look back on; hence the creation of this blog. I originally wanted to call it "Zombie Tuesdays" but quickly found that name has been taken. So since Tuesday nites are my "affair" nite with my Zombie movies, the name "My Zombie Affair" made the most sense!

So stay tuned. I like all Zombie movies: the scary ones, the funny ones, the old ones, the new ones, even the bad ones. Well, I'll watch the bad ones but will be honest if they are bad...........but hey, even a bad Zombie movie can be entertaining.  Every week I'll give feedback on what I've watched and let you decide if you want to waste spend your time to watch it yourself.

My first movie that I'll watch and report back on is "Blood Creek". Joel Schumacher and Nazi Zombies? How can you go wrong?!?